Sunday, June 24, 2007

Would You Take A Do-Over?

I am fortunate that I accomplished my education and professional goals, but sometimes I wonder at what costs. I ponder, "What did I give up in regards to relationship goals to meet my other goals?" And this gets me to thinking of other choices I might have made differently. The end result is that I occasionally fantasize what it would be like to 'do over' some of my life.

Of course, in my fantasy, I retain my current knowledge. This way I could avoid some of my more embarrassing moments (e.g., drinking root beer before I teach with the unexpected result of a loud burp in class – oops). Also, with my current knowledge, I would know just the right comeback for that bully in high school (e.g., "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"). In other fantasies, I say just the right thing to those missed opportunities with women, and uh, well, you know, uh, get their phone numbers. I remember one time, a totally hot girl at a college dance said "Scott, give me a call sometime." So, I ran back to my dorm room and called her. But of course, she was at the dance, so she did not answer. I never got the guts to call her again. I would like to 'do over' that experience, and of course, call her the next day :)

On a more serious note, if I could go back in time with my current knowledge, I could avoid or rectify situations that resulted in someone getting hurt (others and myself). And finally, there are moments that I would relive exactly the same way so that I could fully cherish the experience. Ah yes!

But truthfully, this is all good in the abstract. The reality is that I am not the same person as I was back then, and I am relieved. Each embarrassing moment, missed opportunity, painful experience, and wonderful occurrence created who I am today. I don’t want to give that person up by creating a different history because my current self was too hard won. And ultimately, there is still time to set and attain those relationship goals. And with that, I have a phone call to make…

(A friend read this and said, "I would 'do over' many things; but if I didn't do them I wouldn't be able to avoid doing them again.......much wiser for it to this day.") Amen

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