Hitchhikers

I wanted to include this story on my homepage because as you may or may not know, I do pick up hitchhikers. The most interesting hitchhiker was a guy I picked up en-route from Ponca City, OK to Alva, OK. I first saw this person in the morning when I was driving to testify at a custody battle.

I will refer to this person as 'Arthur' (as in 'Arthur Dent' which is the name of the hitchhiker in the book The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Anyway, this person was, believe it or not, hitchhiking. I sped past him (if you are a cop, I was only going speed limit). Later that evening as I was heading to Alva, I saw him again about 60 miles from where I had seen him earlier that morning.

Since I was bored, tired, feeling a lack of adventure, and obviously, no concern for my life, I thought "What the heck, I'm a social worker and co-dependent and have to help the world, I'll just pick up the poor guy and give him a ride." Little did I know that 'Arthur' was a one of those homeless individuals who must have been released during the big push to de-institutionalize America's mental institutes.

As we drove down the lonely, dark, and very isolated highway, I kept hearing Arthur mumbling something. So, I would say "Excuse me, did you say something?" He would look at me as if I had just violated him and practically yell "I wasn't talking to you!" After a few of these incidents, I quit talking to him.

About 45 minutes into the drive, Arthur actually initiated a conversation with me. I discovered that he believed he was an alien space ship pilot who was on this earth seeing if there were any worthwhile beings on this planet. Arthur's earlier mumblings were actually his attempts to stay in contact with his alien compadres via a microphone in his upper left hand army jacket. His conversation with his amigos really became annoying as I was trying to listen to my new Slim Whitman 8-track.

At one point, Arthur asked if he could "check me out" for his buddies in the sky. I said "Uh, I guess so." So, he slapped the back of his hand on my forehead and began repeating to me and his hidden microphone, "You're okay. He's okay. You're okay. He's okay." So here I am, driving down a deserted highway in the middle of the night with a guy who thinks he is a space ship pilot 'feeling up' my forehead.

Luckily I passed the test. I would hate to think what would have happened had I not passed his test. Other notable incidents that occurred on this trip included: (1) Arthur discussing his friend, Merlin, from King Arthur's court. Hm . . . maybe this is why I called him Arthur (my subconscious really works in weird ways) and (2) Arthur explaining his theory of gravity, space flight, etc.

It is quite possible that my picking Arthur up might very well have saved the Earth from imminent disaster as I demonstrated to Arthur that humans were indeed compassionate. I must confess, however, that I didn't give Arthur money at the end of our journey when he asked. But, if the world is destroyed, just remember, I did my part for humanity by giving this poor soul a ride . . . so you can't blame me.

Note: The above story is completely true, and I am serious!!! Well, okay, except for the part about the Slim Whitman 8-track. I must admit, I am not a big fan of Slim Whitman's music, although I'm sure he's a nice guy.

I have picked up many hitchhikers over the years (save the lectures, I have heard all the warnings from my mom). Anyway, as you can imagine I have had other interesting experiences. Here are just a few . . .

I picked up a hitchhiker who had his own web-page. He would call a friend each day, and his friend would update his home page so you could track his travels.

I picked up a lady who, as it turns out, I had met before. One night when I was at a country-western dance club, a lady came out of the bathroom without her clothes on - yes, this was the same lady! Hm . . . small world!

I picked up a man who quoted scriptures from the Bible the whole time he was in the car - I suspect my driving was bringing out the gospel in him. and so on and so on . .